Children And Chores (p.24)
How Simple Tasks Can Help Your Child See The Family Unit

By Leanne Williams

Let's think about the purpose of setting up chores for children. Is it to make our lives as parents easier? Absolutely not. If anything, we are likley going to do double the work. It will take less than half the time to fold clothes without your two-year-old's help. Is it to teach the value of hard work? Yes. But that is not all. Is it to help your child see your family as a unit – a group of people working together to accomplish a goal? Maybe we are on to something. Let's explore this concept.

Assign Jobs

Instead of having the child believe that Mom's sole purpose is to keep the house clean and to have dinner ready each night while she plays happily, maybe she should start to understand that in order for our family to eat, we need to employ everyone. Help her understand that Daddy's job is to walk the dog, Mommy's job is to slice the bread, and her job is to mix the salad. That way, when she sees dinner on the table, she will see that, without the work of a team, dinner would not be ready and the dog would be whining at the door, interrupting your family time.

Without expressly pointing out these things, she will just find an assumption that makes sense in her own head. Being a part of a team, something bigger than us, is an innate desire of humans. And what better team could there be than her family – the people who give her identity?

Set Goals

With a background in education, I think, "How do we know if we are successful? How can something be assessed?" When assigning chores in the household, keep this in mind. How will your son know that he has accomplished a task? Dinner on the table is enough to show him a job well done. Maybe we can set a timer for short term goals. "Let's get the books back in the bin before the timer goes off!" This can be a group effort or a solo job, but having met this short term goal can be reward enough for your child.

For longer term goals, you can work with your older preschooler or school-aged child setting up a chart. You know the ones – she can get a sticker everyday that she cleans up after breakfast. Five stickers and something awesome will happen – a trip to the park, a special movie – whatever may be her heart's desire. Let's just keep the reward, especially for younger children, to a team reward. Doing something fun to celebrate together will reinforce the idea of a family unit and may even ward off the "gimmes" for a bit longer.

Realistic Expectations

One good thing about setting goals is that children have something to strive toward, but, as parents, we have to walk a fine line between understanding age-appropriate behavior and pushing our children to succeed. Be sure to keep the goals realistic. Help him work toward taking on more responsibility. And, if he doesn't succeed, let the consequences naturally unfold. In other words, if the goal was to clean up the train tracks before the timer goes off, and he can watch one of his favorite shows (and be sure to put ample time on the timer), but he doesn't meet the goal, there is no need to reprimand. Just don't turn on the TV. If the goal was to go to the park on Saturday and he doesn't get all five stickers, just help him understand that he can try harder next week.

We want our children to see themselves as an integral part of the family. Without them, your family would be missing something essential. Chores can help the children understand this – and yes, it can help them learn a little responsibility as well.

Leanne Williams is the assistant director at Primrose School of North Raleigh, located at 8521 Falls of Neuse Road. She can be reached at 919-329-2929. She is also the proud mom to Zadie, recently adopted from Ethiopia.